Monday, January 31, 2005

The fear of human rather than God.

Perhaps the notion of a God-fearing person could be interpreted in many ways. Many of us are afraid of a great deal. Challenges, taunts, competitions, breaking bad news, exams, and etc. But it occured to me in church today that another underrated form of a fear is the fear to proclaim God, to worship him, to lift your heart and voices to him, to tell other people of the Gospel because you are worried what your friend next to you might think or say about you..

Christians are challenged to be fruitful in all aspects of our lives. So i stood with my friend in church today, about 10 mins late going in, find a spot where both of us are blocking the view of a girl behind us in the pews, while the session of praise and worship was on. And i found myself, being comfortable all my life being in church and sitting alone all the time, even if my family was together we'll all sit in diff areas and talk about it later during lunch, to be slightly vainly aware that my friend of many years here was next to me, lips unable to catch the rhythm of the music.

I sang. I like singing. Praise and worship is the best part of going to church. I normally sing out loud. Mostly, loud enough that i could hear myself some times. And i like it. I like singing very much in fact. I didn't care what people thought of my voice, but i always thought i had some decent ability. But in the midst of being here with my good friend, i found that i couldn't sing as loud or hard as i would normally do.

How many times has that feeling come to haunt you? The fear of people saying some odd stuff about you. I guess it's the mind games of the devil. But being consciously aware that someone is looking and deciphering what exactly are you doing can feel really distressing. By the time i had myself ready to open up and be bold, the worship session was over. Why did i fear what my friend has to say instead of fearing what God might feel about me?

The message today was about God's grace though. His grace is immense, and the reason why i am able to blog about my inabilities, since i know that God will give me the courage the next time i feel this way again.

posted by kItttttt @ 8:20 am